Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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