I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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