I just saw a hot homeless man
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize