I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
