Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
