I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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