So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
