for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When did angry sex become our thing?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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