Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
