his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
