Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
