Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
