Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We need to get me chipped asap
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
