so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
