I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
