There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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