now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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