i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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