I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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