I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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