So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
