they need to just BURY HIM!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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