look no pants
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
