Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
