At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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