Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
