Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize