I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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