Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
