When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
