I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
