Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
