Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
