I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
