I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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