Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
