what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
