party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
