I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
