you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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