You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
