She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
