scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
