That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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