he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize