Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
