So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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