So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
