Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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