The maid of honor just puked.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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