I wish my penis had an off switch
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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