I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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