I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
