Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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