Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
