i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
