I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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