this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
