i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
