I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
