Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
