So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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