I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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