oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
