I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
