we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
