y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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