There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
