I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
