he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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