Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
