She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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