I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
