Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
