I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
