hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
