mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
