I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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