We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize