i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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