Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
