420 ftw
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
