clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
