I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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